So I tried a Vegan restaurant last night. I'm thinking it's nice to have options for dining -- maybe I might want to eat out some day, right? Plus I'm looking for a caterer for my 50th birthday party, if I have one (another story). So I grab my buddy Mary B, who is super dependable for dining and everything else. And Mary knows food.
In my quest for local Vegan (it's got to be out there -- I can't be the only freak in Central Phoenix), I Googled up a neighborhood Restaurant called Green. Green is on 7th Street just North of McDowell and South + West of an old favorite, the Coronado Cafe. I checked their menu on line and it looked promising based on the sheer VOLUME of Vegan. They have pages and pages of Vegan food -- appetizers, pizzas, burgers, "bowls," and salads. You name it, they make a Vegan version. My only concern was the heavy use of fake meats (tofu central) and cheeses and the quantity of wheat. But I was assured they offer gluten-free options at Green, and I can eat wheat every once in a while, so I was up for that. But in the end, I should have listened to my gut.
So off we go to Green. (I should comment that the building is way cute, with an awesome metal spiral staircase and a wall made from old car doors and a front garage door that opens up on nice evenings like last night.) And I'm so excited to eat "normal" food in public for the first time in forever, that I immediately focus on french fries (they offer fries smothered in Vegan chili), artichoke dip, non-eggrolls, and a veggie burger. Mary wisely had a salad. In my rush to "normal" foods I went heavy on the wheat and fried foods, and I think (okay, I KNOW) that was my mistake. The chips with the artichoke dip (which was good) were kind of like a cross between pita chips and corn chips. I don't know what was in them -- they're described as corn chips, but they seemed like they had wheat and they were definitely deep fried and heavy. So I liked the dip, but I couldn't eat a lot of it with those chips. Moving on, I went for the non-eggrolls. And they were not bad, but had a heavy wheat exterior and were, yes, deep fried. The filling was excellent, and if there had been a greater ratio of filling to deep-fried roll, they would have been quite good. As it was, it was mostly deep-fried dough. So another item that seemed like a good idea, but I probably wouldn't order again. And then I get my burger. And that first bite was satisfying -- I don't usually get to bite into a burger. Pickles, tomato, lettuce, ketchup, mayo -- the works. And the patty was pretty good, from what I could taste of it. But it's a smallish veggie patty on a largish refined wheat bun. So I can't taste much of the patty with all that bun, and by the time I get about half way through it, I'm feeling stuffed. Between that bun and all the fried wheat that had gone before, I was feeling like I'd eaten my favorite childhood stuffed hippopotamus. (What was her name?)
Now, a lot of this overly-stuffed feeling was my own fault for ordering all that deep-fried wheat. My bad, I get it. But this brings me back around to my initial assessment of the menu and the very first tip I put out there in my very first post on this blog -- don't try to make fake whatever. Fake burgers, fake pizzas, fake cream dips, fake "wings," fake meat entrees.... These things will just NEVER taste like the originals, so why try so hard to force it? Why eat a fake version of something that is BAD for us and we're trying NOT to eat? It just reinforces the mental/emotional desire for those forbidden foods and the habit of eating them. I knew that going in, but I was sucked into old habits and the desire to be like everyone else. I just wanted a burger and fries like everyone else, dammit. But it was a mistake. The whole meal was really heavy and not all that satisfying. I would have been happier with a salad. Yes, even I can't believe I said that, but I would have liked the salad better. Mary's 3 Green salad was very good -- it was full of palm hearts, green olives and things other than just boring leafy greens.
In the end, I am back at the beginning -- they should have done more with vegetables, fruit, legumes, and whole grains (there were not that many veggies on that huge menu -- it was mostly fake meat dishes and fake pizzas, etc). The menu was like a Vegan time capsule -- they went vintage, tofu-crazy, "let's make fake burgers and pizza," Vegan, and not modern plant-based Vegan. Where was the quinoa, the teff, the oat and rice grains/flours? There is SO much that can be done with seasonal vegetables and the huge variety of grains available today. (And I'm a bad cook that's only been mostly Vegan for a year.) Most of the greens at Green were in a few salads. What a wasted opportunity. They need a giant chalkboard with a special of the day, so that they can
use up whatever fresh local veggie is in season and about to go bad in
the walk-in. They could be converting people to a plant-based diet with delicious plant dishes, instead of trying to be a tofu McDonald's/ Pizza Hut/Dirty Drummer.
I might go back to try some more dishes -- again, the menu is just enormous and they have some Asian dishes that look promising. But that enormous menu has very little in the way of dishes that are mostly veggies and legumes. I mean, I could have come up with better non-meat/dairy/egg/wheat dishes in an evening. Yes, even comfort dishes -- how about a quinoa spaghetti with marinara full of green peppers, olives, capers, garlic, etc.? That's easy and delicious. And if you must use the fake meat, you could offer a version with tofu ground beef. How about using that deep fryer to make some delicious Brussels Sprouts as an appetizer? And what about some green beans? Who doesn't like green beans? Plus they match the name. Tofu ain't green. They should have called themselves "Beige," or "Brown" for all the fake meat/tofu on the menu.
I'm sad to report that I was disappointed in this place -- I'd like to be more supportive of my local Vegan restaurant. I just don't get the pages and pages of fake bad Western-diet foods. Sorry Green, I'm not feelin' it -- you're a pretty unhealthy kind of deep-fried Vegan. But the salad was good, and the skinny fries were also good, if not good for me. And the building is charming/fun, if not edible.
Next up: We try Pomegranates in Tempe.
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